My contribution = $0.00

Everyone feels more  important when they are contributing to something. In school we had to work in groups and we all had to help each other accomplish a goal. I remember my biology class. It was just me and one other person and our job was to disect something. I forget if it was a grasshopper or a crayfish.  Yes, I'm aware they are quite different. We both contributed though. They disected the thing, I watched. I wrote the report, they did the oral report. It all worked out, we both contributed and the project was a success. 

Now that i'm out of school, older, and have a family I have new goals and a new partner. My partner is my husband Pete. If I had to list our goals i'm sure they would look something like this:

> Grow in Christ together
> Raise our children to be successful leaders who follow Christ
> When we leave this world have a sense of accomplishment with little or no regrets.

Just as I have goals for us as a couple, I also have some personal goals too. Goals that unfortunately I feel I am inadequate at accomplishing. I want to help my family by contributing financially, however, I'm failing at that. I have come to terms with the fact that I am a stay-at-home-mom. It took me a little over 6 months to realize that for the first time. I am constantly on the edge of my seat waiting for the Lord to provide me with an income. Its because of this that I am not giving this "job" my all. So, I decided to homeschool. *pick your jaw up off the floor* Yes, I said it. I am going to homeschool. Now, I'll admit, because i'm still waiting for that wonderful employment opportunity, I am quick to remind family and friends that I am only committed to homeschooling kindergarten, we will see what happens next. I just want it all, ya know? I want to be an amazing homeschool family, I want to contribute financially, I want that strong marriage that is Christ centered. I want it all and I want it now! *lets have a moment of silence for my pity party*

All those 'wants' and what I need to do is focus on our needs. I'll have to post later about separating wants from needs and focusing on whats important at the moment.

I was raised by a single mother and she taught me the importance of being independent. She taught me to be financially stable. She taught me morals, respect and perseverence. I need to tap into those life skills and realize that i'm worth more than the money I could make. There's more to me than the ability to produce a paycheck. I have so much more to offer my family. Others see it, why don't I?

I have a huge problem of placing value on a woman by her occupation. I'm sure you can guess where I rate myself at the moment. I need to reprogram my mind. I'm sure its a process.

Daily I awake and begin the day in prayer asking the Lord to guide me. To remind me to put my goals aside and for him to show me His ways and what He would have me to do. Although I am not contributing financially at the moment, I pray that God will show me that i'm still contributing in other ways. I try to see it and place a big value on it, but sadly, I'm being quite hard-headed.

What are you watering?

So, kind of a random thought.

You know the saying the grass is always greener on the other side? Then you have people who say the grass is greener where you tend to it most. This popped into my mind when I was thinking about God planting those seeds and as we encounter others, or other experiences. It gets watered more and more until that lil seed that was planted has bloomed. I am pretty sure that i'm oblivious to the many seeds which have been planted. I remember a time when I needed to be humbled *yeah, not so much fun* I recall moments when I had to grow in my faith and trust. I know that I still need humility and growth and oh my so much more! I want to water those seeds that have been planted! I want to be changed. I want my love in the Lord to grow, to blossom, to be exuberant and vibrant and beautiful!! However, I have no idea which seeds have been planted. Oh sure, I can name a few, but I want to spend my time growing every inch, every way possible! I don't want to leave one..NOT ONE SINGLE SEED UNWATERED!! I want to grow. I want to feel myself growing into a more mature Christian. I think I need water. I need to be submersed. I need to know that I'm maturing, growing and blossoming.

And to prayer i'm heading....

Baby Landon

Today I have the privilege of caring for a precious lil boy named Landon. He's under 6 mos. old. A few people expressed concern how my children would respond to me sharing my time with a newbie.

So far this morning, Wyatt has been concerned of the noise level of Laci and the television as he doesn't want to hurt the little babys ears.

Laci has taken the role of being a friend by making sure Landon can see his lil stuffed doggy at all times.

I'm so impressed that my children are so gentle and nurturing at such a young age! <3